Bag Coffee

thomaz:

I hit a guy with my car at the weekend. Luckily it was only my wing mirror Vs his arm. It was partially his fault (he wasn’t looking where he was going) but I was the one with the engine/ big lump of metal so I take full responsibility. I got out of the car and went back to apologize. His friend gave me a right earful about being more careful, my car not being a deadly weapon (he hasn’t seen the MOT report!) and generally not being an ass. I couldn’t get to sleep last night because I was feeling guilty, I think it’s safe to say I’ve learned my lesson.

Damn, sun… Sucks you had to deal with that… There have been times where I’ve gritted my teeth at the prospect of grazed by a car while riding my bike. But I’ve also had my share of ‘boner’ moments, where I was being a tool and did something stupid while driving. Accidents happen, the better one’s are where no one gets seriously hurt. Kudos to you for going back and apologizing. That was mighty big of you. Better than most of the assholes in New York.

Red Skies Tonight!

Dear Jared,

nudawn:

You seem to be a pretty handy fellow and I thought you’d be able to help me out in my dire predicament. Last night, on my way out the door, my hair clip fell into the toilet. I literally was running out the door and figured I’d get it later. I forgot about it and used the bathroom to pee this morning, and now my toilet is clogged. I wanted to try and ignore it, thinking it would get better, but its getting worse. It was a pretty big hair clip. And I’m pretty sure there’s a tampon stuck in there. What do I do?

Since it’s so close to the 4th, there’s an abundence of fireworks going around. Your best bet, to finish the job, is to stuff as many M-80s you can fit in that shitter. Be sure to tie the wicks together, with the use of that extra wick you have laying around (or you can just break up some candles you were looking to donate to the poor). Break them shits up and light it up! It’s best to be drinking a Schlitz and smoking a Pall Mall, scrach yourself and remember it’s soooo good you’re not the one cleaning up this mess…